IKEA

Why Amersfoort is Really a Giant IKEA

Question 4.

Why do you believe that Amersfoort is a really large IKEA?

To be perfectly honest, I felt a twinge of disappointment upon first seeing Amersfoort. I had researched, seen pictures, and I was absolutely certain I would be living in a quaint little town filled with castles and ancient buildings. My research was thorough. I went to Google, typed "Amersfoort," and clicked on images. The images were lovely old buildings, the search term was "Amersfoort," so Amersfoort was old and lovely. With buildings.

The truth is that the city center is lovely. and old. with buildings. But over the last 500 years, the local Dutch built other stuff. It's modern and looks exactly like every piece of everything came from IKEA, from the furniture to the houses to the trees.

See that swan? Those bricks? Now you understand why IKEA was my immediate reaction.

Please do not misunderstand. I like IKEA and Amersfoort, but it was not what I had originally pictured. Even though I am aware that it is a ridiculous assertion, I like seeing what I originally picture.

As it happens, I was completely correct in making this assumption. Not only is IKEA by far the favorite store of the area, but it is also the way you determine the size of a town. Does your town have its own IKEA? You've got yourself an urban environment. No IKEA? Rural.

If you've been in an IKEA, you know the floor plan allows the shopper to see fully set up rooms. Luckily for you, the Dutch do not often use curtains. Yes, there are cultural explanations for this, but the biggest reason is that they are, at heart, a giant IKEA. A lack of curtains allows one to walk up and down the streets peering into different IKEA set ups. You view what you like and don't like. It's brilliant.

Shocking Your Very Own Dutch Family

3 Fun Ways to Shock Your Very Own Dutch Family

Question 3.

If I wanted to shock a Dutch family, what are some methods you might suggest I employ?

Certainly, after spending less than a month in the Netherlands, I am a complete expert on this. I will share with you a few of my personal favorites, and I will hope that you will find some fun ones of your own.

The wonderful thing about Dutch culture is that they are less hesitant to tell you what they think than other cultures might be. The result of this is that I get to know which of my habits they find more unusual.

1. Do not carry an agenda. For a stronger reaction, frequently express the opinion that you are opposed to all forms of agendas.

Thus far, everyone I have met carries an agenda. Everyone. Adults and children alike. If a teacher asks a student to come talk to them at some point, they will both take out their agendas and compare. I am under the impression that agendas are even more important than bicycles.

People seem to like to plan things. They have scheduled programming, and if you say you are going, you are expected to arrive on time unless you have an excellent excuse. After planning, they enjoy writing down what they have planned. The most handy way to do this is with agendas. If we were practicing analogies, I might try: Tree: bark :: Dutch people: agendas.

2. Drink water.

My favorite way of doing this is by using the following order:

1. Obtain a glass of water. Keep it in your hand so that it is clearly yours.
2. Wait for someone to offer you a drink.
3. Show them you have a drink.
4. Wait for them to offer you a drink. They will now specify the choices as tea, coffee, milk, and juice. This seems to be true in almost every location, although school limits my choices to coffee, cappuccinos, hot chocolate, and about sixteen different types of tea. It's restrictive to say the least.
5. Again, assure them you have a drink.

What it is about water that does not qualify it as a drink, I may never know. Despite biking many many miles each day, I am clearly the only one carrying a water bottle.


3. Eat breakfast off of a paper towel. Ensure at least someone sees you doing this.

Each day, I eat my breakfast off of a paper towel. This means that I do not have to dirty a plate, and I can use the paper towel as a napkin while I eat.

Whenever someone sees me do this, he or she tries to impress upon me the concept of plates. People, according to my host family, ought to use plates. When I explain my theory, they explain that not only do they have plates, but they also have a dishwasher, making the cleansing of dishes a relatively painless process. This happens as often as I'm caught with my paper towel.

Because I'm an instigator, this has become something of a game for me. I could change my ways, but I could also keep a tally of how many lessons on plates I receive.

Dutch Physics

Dutch Physics

Question 2:

How is physics is the Netherlands unique to the area?

Upon arrival, it is apparent that physics does not work in quite the same way here. Below I will outline my theory explaining the differences.

I am currently of the belief that the North Sea, which borders much of the Netherlands, creates a type of electromagnetic cloud that is unique to the area. As you may already know, the Dutch population is, on average, taller than most other populations, with men averaging 6' and women averaging 5'6" (scholarly source: Wikipedia). This is due in no small part to the clouds. While growing, our bones are composed slightly differently, making them less solidified and more supple so that they might change in size over the years. All humans experience this. However, in the Netherlands, the electromagnetic clouds react with the bones. There are two main results of this. First, the people grow slightly taller, the bones lengthen more. Second, and perhaps more importantly, the reaction creates within the bones a type of material that aides in avoiding heavy winds while biking. Here I show the clouds reacting with the people:

This leads us to point two, which explains how weather and biking coincide. If you're Dutch and have such wonderful bones, biking is an activity that involves normal weather conditions and is enjoyable. I have drawn a sketch of the situation:

In contrast, if you come to the Netherlands as a foreigner, the electromagnetic clouds are more attracted to you, rather than less so. The result is that the winds will constantly blow directly on you. Think of it like a magnet. You're positively charged and the wind is negative, but instead of the charge pulling you forward, it merely directs the wind, which already has a large velocity, to push you backwards. I've drawn a diagram with vectors here:

Rest assured, all of this is completely true. As I conclude my first school week here, I am happy to report that I have a wonderful host family, school, and colleagues. Many colleagues have even confirmed my theory of Dutch physics, providing further evidence to its validity. Perhaps my bones will one day change the winds as well.

Biking in the Netherlands

My dear family, friends, and fellow users of the Internet, I love how invested you all are in my happiness abroad. I must admit, though, that your questions are not as fun for me to answer as they could be. This, of course, is because you are not here, and therefore do not know the best questions to ask. To remedy this, I've decided to ask them for you. Let us begin.

Question 1.

How often do you fall off your bike?

This question involves a complex analysis that will require all involved parties understanding bits of geography, physics, Dutch bike design, and my physical capabilities.

First and foremost, I will explain the Dutch bike. I am currently riding the bike of the shortest member of my host family, who has a minimum of 1.5" on me in real person measuring.* Even if the bike were of proper size in proportion to my height, the bike is still built differently than any bike I've ever ridden. The seat goes to roughly just below the navel of the rider, so when at a standstill, the rider cannot both sit on the seat and reach the ground.

What, then, is the result of all of this? My inability to mount and dismount the bike. I hop, skip, skid, and wobble my way at every pause. Traffic cycles go by as I am climbing up light poles to climb onto my bike from above. Curbs became critical for me to gain a few inches in my attempts to reach the pedals, so I would drag the too-heavy bike across the cement to gain curb proximity. This sounds hyperbolic upon second reading, but I assure you it is quite literal.

If this were not enough, the Netherlands is a coastal nation, making rain an almost daily occurrence. Finally, due to a unique system of physics (that I have confirmed to be true) in the Netherlands, it is entirely possible that the wind will be blowing directly into your face no matter which way you are going. I will spare you the details of this until my next post.

In summary, I have yet to fall off of my bike in the sense that I suddenly have my face connect with the concrete. However, on more than one occasion I have nearly toppled into Cees (my host), and for the first day or two, I would completely dismount the bike at the slightest scare for fear of falling more rapidly. When living in Athens, I lived under the assumption that staring at a car was enough to prevent it from hitting you. Alas, that method has not proven itself to be effective here. I can stare at the other bikers all I like, but they still have no problem dominating the road. This is especially unfortunate, as I have a slight habit of riding on the wrong side of the road.

*In general, I believe myself to be taller than everyone around me and therefore do not see myself as particularly challenged in the vertical sense.